So there I was earlier this week, walking alongside the large dock in our neighbourhood when I heard a strange sound. A thwap! And then another thwap! I looked up and realised it was the sound of two large slices of white bread belly flopping on to the water.
Two people walking ahead of me had clearly gauged the size of the water life in the dock, and thought they were ready to handle bread in slices. The flying bread drew the attention of ducks, birds and swans alike and a splash-filled scramble ensued.
As I looked closer, I saw that most of the chubby little quackers were not actually swimming. They were sitting in speed boats, causing waves and trying to beat each other to the spoils. The aqua population of our dock has become so overweight they can no longer swim.
I wondered if the ducks had also grown fussy now. After feasting on chips ( see my earlier post Stop quacking and eat your chips) maybe they’d prefer something like a toasted sandwich? Burrito, perhaps?
It made me think of the time a few years ago when we stopped at our local cafe to buy a few things on the way home. A scruffy homeless guy, reeking of cheap alcohol, stumbled over to me and asked me for some money. I told him I was going into the cafe and would buy him something to eat. I came out and gave him a bag of bread rolls.
He took the bag, grabbed a roll and tore off a hunk of a bite. He looked deeply disappointed. I asked him if something was wrong, and he said, “Why didn’t you buy me a pie?”
I climbed into the car and said to my family, “That guy was rude.”
One of my sons said, “Yes, he was, mommy. He was speaking with his mouth full.”
So back to my neighbourhood and my walk. My thinking wasn’t far off. I turned the corner at the edge of the dock and saw a pizza delivery girl at a duck’s nest. This duck family had given up on the boring diet of bread and chips. In exchange for a pile of pizza boxes, Mr Duck gave the delivery girl a few notes and said, “Keep the change, thweetheart. Buy yourthelf thomething pretty.”
What next, London? What next?
Sunshine shaking her head and signing off for today!
22 thoughts on “With ekthtra cheethe, to go. And make it thnappy”
Glad this made you laugh. This has to rate amongst my silliest posts … oh dear. 🙂
We have several local panhandlers…one I call “BuddyIJustNeedASandwich”. That’s his standard line when begging for cash to feed his crack habit. I’ve offered to buy him a sandwich, but he won’t let me!
Love the image of the ducks with the pizza…
So he really just needs an (air quote) sandwich. I like the name you’ve given him. How funny, Wendy!
oh! this reminded me of the time my then toddler son threw an entire animal cracker (rather than just a piece from it) to a goose. The greedy goose gobbled it up and got the blasted cracker caught in its throat and went
“honkchoke honkchoke honchoke” while moving its neck forward and backward.
my son looked up at me and said,
“It singing for me?”
fat birds…fat, greedy birds.
thanks for the post today, and for the memory it brought back up.
p.s. the greedy goose lived.
That’s such a funny story, jane! Made me laugh – I could just imagine! xx
oh–and we used to give homeless people a little ziplock filled with a toothbrush, paste and shampoo, etc…
we gave that up, though, after driving away from one of them and watching him pitch it out over the overpass onto the freeway below.
Bleh, indeed! 🙂
We have the same thing with squirrels around here. They’re so fat they barely bother with scampering after things and get really picky about the stuff they find on the ground. Who needs acorns? Thursday is Curry Night!
Your blog is always a ray of Sunshine in my week 🙂
Thanks so much, Amanda! Fat ducks, fat squirrels, what next? Diet acorns, I reckon… 🙂
Any vacanthies going in that dock?
What, for another fat duck? Perhapth … you never know your luck!
I can’t stop laughing. Thanks, Sunshine!
Glad I made you laugh … 🙂
I saw a (presumably) homeless guy once with a sign that said, “NEED MONEY FOR BEER.” I thought it was kind of clever, in a sad kind of way, until I saw another (presumably) homeless guy with the same sign a few streets over.
So those signs were on special, presumably? At least they were honest and you knew where your money would be going!
Funny! Looks like your going to have to start a campaign: Better food for Birds. Like that one that Jamie Oliver has going for the kids’ school lunches. Although I don’t think yours will get you an audience with the British PM.
[An aside: see the comments on my latest post for an update on the wire spike and cats issue.]
You never know, in the UK! Might be worth a try …
HAHAHA Speaking with his mouth full – CLASSIC!
What’s next London? ANYTHING. It’s after all London!!!! Lol! =)