There’s much you can overhear on a daily commute in London. It’s rare that you learn anything much, other than what someone is planning to have for supper, or how trashed they are planning to get at the pub tonight, or how much they hate their snooty colleague. Today, however, I learned something about how relationships develop. When you’re 11.
On the bus home this evening, I sat behind a bunch of primary school children, all dressed in their uniforms, and aged about 11. They sat and giggled at fellow commuters, exchanged insults with each other and kept a commentary running until they alighted at their stops. As much as I wanted to ignore what they were saying, I couldn’t help hearing and then I began to listen.
(Hello, everyone, my name is Sunshine and I’m an eavesdropper.)
The lone boy in the group said to one of his friends:
“So, bruv, did you see me kiss her, yeah?”
“Yeah, like I was so surprised, yeah? I thought, he’s doing it near a window and, like, everyone’s going to see, innit?”
“Yeah, but you know there’s like a trampoline next to the building, with a wall next to it, yeah? Well, like, that’s where I done it.”
“So, you know the longest it’s taken me to kiss a girl, bruv?”
“Yeah? How long?”
“Well, this girl who was, like, my first girlfriend, yeah? Well, you know how long it took me, right? Two years.”
“Whoa. That’s insane. I’m so bad because it takes me, like, two days, yeah?”
“Whoa. But that girl, yeah, I just hate her now. I hate her, bruv. You know I like kissed her and all, and then she’s like telling everyone, yeah, that I’m such a *****, innit.”
“Yeah, that happens sometimes.”
“So, you know what I normally do, right? I go, like, kiss kiss and then I, like, snog snog snog. Yeah?”
Doing a Beyoncé move of the neck from side to side, and waggling an index finger in his general direction, his friend said,
“Too. Much. Information. Yeah?”
And so ended the conversation. You’re probably thinking this post is too much information (TMI), yeah, but I thought you might, like, learn something from it. Innit? No, I didn’t either. Yeah?
Sunshine signing off for today!